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 Older Younger relationships

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RebelCats

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PostSubject: Older Younger relationships   Tue Mar 11, 2008 8:35 pm

**Preface this with I am talking about relationships with the younger person being 18 or older. I am not talking about grown adults dating like 13-14 year olds.**

I know this has been talked about on other forums but never have I been to a forum where there could be a real open and honest conversation about this issue.

Why are these type relationships so looked down upon in this day in age. Yes there is a 16 year difference between me and my husband but I was 18 when we met. I have been in conversations online and in real life where it has been hinted at that my husband must be a pervert or something for getting with me at that age. I never quite understood that stance because it was not like I was a minor or anything. I have also heard that an older man wants a younger girl to control and mold her into what he wants. But I can say with all honesty and the husband can agree I am my own person. I make my own decisions about my life and my body. Yes I do ask for his input but in the end the choice is mine. A good example of that is my tattoos. My husband hates them with an ever loving passion. But I had 2 when we met and I have added since then. We have had it out many times over me getting more but in the end it comes to 2 things:
1.I had them when we met so that should have showed my interest in them. If he was truly opposed to them he should have stepped to someone else.
2.My body my money I have the end say.

Yes I have compromised on this issue. I want another one reworked but I told him I will wait 6mths to 1 year to do that. Getting 2 in under a month unnerved him. But I told him that does not stop me from getting something pierced lol.

On the flip side of that I never (unless the male is a minor) hear the reverse when it comes to older women younger men. And that double standard bugs me to death. Makes no sense to me why one is dogged and the other seems ok.

So whats everyone's opinion?
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krystineM

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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Tue Mar 11, 2008 9:45 pm

RebelCat you said you have a 16 yr age difference with you and your husband, i have an 18 yr age difference, i met him at legal age but we got more serious now. Some people who i tell give an expression like... affraid or think he is also some kind of perv...i hate when that happens.
I feel the relationship my bf/fiance and i have is the exact same as those of what society sees as a "normal" relationship. He [just like your husband] doesnt control the things i do, he lets me be myself and own person and make my own choices. And as you do i ask what he thinks about a decision i make.
The only way i see a problem with a relationship is if the girl was much younger, a minors age.
Then i would class the guy as a perv.
But if you knew my bf/fiance, he is the kindest guy in the world, helped me get out of bad situations and has been there for me all the times i need him. And i would not change a thing.
We dont have to do things to please others, we have to do things to please ourselves and make ourselves happy.

Thats my take on the issue.
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Tue Mar 11, 2008 9:59 pm

The biggest complaint I also hear about older/younger relationship is that you can't have that much in common. Thats not always the case. I can think of maybe 2-3 things we don't have in common.

1. I like tattoos he doesn't.
2. He likes billiards me not so much. Even tho we met in a pool room I just like going and hanging with people we know.
3.I like reality shows and him not so much.

But even with those we compromise. Tattoos he backed off a long time ago about me getting them. He came to the point where as long as I am happy he is happy (as long as I don't come back one day looking like Kat Von D).
Billiards he still plays I don't go out as much but thats alright.
Well reality shows he gets hooked tho he tries not to show it.

Every thing else is peachy.
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krystineM

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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Wed Mar 12, 2008 7:45 am

or its the comments, he'll leave you because he'll get bored...any relationship can get boring, and if anything, i think our relationship keeps things fresh and exciting. We have most things in common, like tattoos, piercings, [i have he doesnt] metal/rock music, horror movies, comedys, he even watches girlie movies with me! Smile both love children, dogs, off roading vehicles, theres lots more.
We have somethings that we dont like, or rather do differently than each other, he reads alot of the historical books, like greek mythology, medival books too, but he talks to me about the things he learns in the greek mythology books which i find very intresting, but that goes hand in hand with other couples too of a same age group or smaller gap.
Things he likes i get into, like ive never gone camping and hes taking me for the first time this year,
i wouldnt trade the repationship we have for the world. I love you
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:53 pm

KrystenM
Why would a 36 year old male ever have to live at home with his parents?

The only reason a man like that doesn't have a woman his own age is because they wouldn't touch him with 10 foot pole!

He is obviously lacking any braincells because 'adult' men who are 'normal' don't date kids
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:12 pm

Emma2 wrote:
KrystenM


He is obviously lacking any braincells because 'adult' men who are 'normal' don't date kids

I don't know all of Krysten's background but if she was 18 when they met big whoop.

I don't consider 18 year olds kids nor does the law. So what am I missing here?
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Emma2



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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:17 pm

RebelCats wrote:
Emma2 wrote:
KrystenM


He is obviously lacking any braincells because 'adult' men who are 'normal' don't date kids

I don't know all of Krysten's background but if she was 18 when they met big whoop.

I don't consider 18 year olds kids nor does the law. So what am I missing here?


I just love how you all throw out 'adult' like its an actual age. 18 is not mature, she was under age when she started her realtionship with this man who could have fathered her. She's still living with her parents and is still in HS ..Legal age in ONTARIO IS 19!
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:26 pm

Emma2 wrote:
RebelCats wrote:
Emma2 wrote:
KrystenM


He is obviously lacking any braincells because 'adult' men who are 'normal' don't date kids

I don't know all of Krysten's background but if she was 18 when they met big whoop.

I don't consider 18 year olds kids nor does the law. So what am I missing here?


I just love how you all throw out 'adult' like its an actual age. 18 is not mature, she was under age when she started her realtionship with this man who could have fathered her. She's still living with her parents and is still in HS ..Legal age in ONTARIO IS 19!

Well I am not in Canada so not familiar with the laws there. In the US 18 is generally considered an adult you can legally have sex, you can buy smokes, move out, get a job, buy a house, enter legal contracts, join the military, commit a crime get charged as an adult etc here at 18. So in my mind that makes you an adult.
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Emma2



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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:36 pm

She can't buy smokes, she can't go to clubs, she can't buy beer thus making her a child and her bf/ whatever he is , is one pathetic excuse of a man. I am curious to know what on earth they could possibly discuss ? What can they possibly have in common?
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:44 pm

If they are anything like me and my husband we have tons of stuff in common and talk about anything and everything under the sun. And I know this is gonna be hard to believe for some but an 18 yr old and a 30 something year old can be headed down the same path in life with the same goals. It may not be the same path that others would choose at that age but thats ok its what makes the world go round.
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Wed Mar 12, 2008 5:33 pm

RebelCats wrote:
If they are anything like me and my husband we have tons of stuff in common and talk about anything and everything under the sun. And I know this is gonna be hard to believe for some but an 18 yr old and a 30 something year old can be headed down the same path in life with the same goals. It may not be the same path that others would choose at that age but thats ok its what makes the world go round.

I believe you are in an equal, mature relationship, but when I was 19 I was with someone 16 years older, and it was very inappropriate. One reason was, and this differentiates it from yours, was that I was 16 when it started, and he was 32. Also because of the circumstances, he was a parent figure to me, so mixing that with a sexual relationship made it perverse.

I was 19 when it ended, and because of the original dynamic of the relationship, it was still wrong even though I technically an adult. The ending was traumatic because it was like losing/being rejected by a parent. Also, for a long time afterward, all relationships with men had a parent type quality about them, and just as unbearable when they ended.
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Thu Mar 13, 2008 8:05 am

Emma2 wrote:
RebelCats wrote:
Emma2 wrote:
KrystenM


He is obviously lacking any braincells because 'adult' men who are 'normal' don't date kids

I don't know all of Krysten's background but if she was 18 when they met big whoop.

I don't consider 18 year olds kids nor does the law. So what am I missing here?


I just love how you all throw out 'adult' like its an actual age. 18 is not mature, she was under age when she started her realtionship with this man who could have fathered her. She's still living with her parents and is still in HS ..Legal age in ONTARIO IS 19!

Whoptie fucking do for Ontario.. in the U.S. 18 is the legal age of adulthood, therefore 18 IS an adult. Are you this stupid naturally or did you take classess to get there?
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krystineM

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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Thu Mar 13, 2008 7:04 pm

first off emma2 you need to upgrade your info about mississauga ontario.
Adult is 18. you may not be able to buy beer or smokes or whatever, but you are an adult. police class you as adult, law classes you as adult. 16, is legal age which is what age i was when i met my fiance.
We live with his family brother and his wife and 2 kids and their parents. Its a big family that sticks together which does not make him an irresponsible person.
We both know what we are doing, and hey emma if you don think it is appropriate, thats your bit on it, but do not judge the choice i have made with my fiance, say you dont agree with it and move on. We are happy together bringing a life into this world, and one persons opinion is not going to drag us down. We have the whole world to judge us and we are not here to please the world, only ourselves. It seems as if you are just raging on me because own personal feelings towards me which is due ot the negativity from most of the replys you have for me.
A police officer will tell you that a 16 year old can see who she wants, and at 18 is a legal adult. I dont know what part of Ontario you live in, but i am almost 100% sure they are not different for different parts of ontario.
So before you go ranting on, talk to a police officer, because beileve me, we know it is a LEGAL relationship, police officers have told me and my fiance that is a perfectly fine relationship, not common but legal and perfectly fine.
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Thu Mar 13, 2008 7:19 pm

Ok here is what I found online.
http://www.parl.gc.ca/information/library/PRBpubs/prb993-e.htm

here is the current law:
Quote :

CURRENT LAW

The Criminal Code does not now criminalize consensual sexual activity with or between persons 14 or over, unless it takes place in a relationship of trust or dependency, in which case sexual activity with persons over 14 but under 18 can constitute an offence, notwithstanding their consent. Even consensual activity with those under 14 but over 12 may not be an offence if the accused is under 16 and less than two years older than the complainant. The exception, of course, is anal intercourse, to which unmarried persons under 18 cannot legally consent, although both the Ontario Court of Appeal(3) and the Quebec Court of Appeal(4) have struck down the relevant section of the Criminal Code.

On the one hand it says it does not criminalize consensual sex with a person over age 14 unless the older person is an authority type figure (I don't think thats the case here). So from what I read Krysten's relationship is legal in Ontario.
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krystineM

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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Thu Mar 13, 2008 8:15 pm

that was something similar to what a cop had told me as well.
thanks RebelCats
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Thu Mar 13, 2008 10:11 pm

*pictures the odd discussion between a police officer and a teenager...* lol! UNCOMFORTABLE!
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Fri Mar 14, 2008 11:21 am

lol uncomfortable, but at least if confronted they cannot say your wrong, because a cop had told them themselves.
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Fri Mar 14, 2008 8:28 pm

Maybe you do have things in common but I still find it awkward to be in a relationship with that big of an age difference. I would personally keep thinking about the fact that he could have fathered me and comes for a different time with different views.

Why would he get along so well with someone who has less experience in the "real world"? And less responsibility? Could it be he is lacking in responsibility himself?
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Fri Mar 14, 2008 10:10 pm

Danielle wrote:

Why would he get along so well with someone who has less experience in the "real world"? And less responsibility? Could it be he is lacking in responsibility himself?

Your right not all 18 year olds have real world experience. I on the other had did. I had already had a child, lived on my own, worked (off and on but worked) for quite sometime before I met him. And along with the above comes responsibility. He was very responsible. In his adult live he had 4 main jobs that he kept for a long time at each one. He had 4 credit cards (none now) that he kept with the payments at all times. He was never late with the payments or anything like that. He owned his owned car that he built himself. He did not however own his own home. Before me that was never really one his mind renting was fine by him. Also he never drank or did drugs. True not all guys are like that but mine is now and was then.
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Fri Mar 14, 2008 10:25 pm

RebelCats wrote:
Danielle wrote:

Why would he get along so well with someone who has less experience in the "real world"? And less responsibility? Could it be he is lacking in responsibility himself?

Your right not all 18 year olds have real world experience. I on the other had did. I had already had a child, lived on my own, worked (off and on but worked) for quite sometime before I met him. And along with the above comes responsibility. He was very responsible. In his adult live he had 4 main jobs that he kept for a long time at each one. He had 4 credit cards (none now) that he kept with the payments at all times. He was never late with the payments or anything like that. He owned his owned car that he built himself. He did not however own his own home. Before me that was never really one his mind renting was fine by him. Also he never drank or did drugs. True not all guys are like that but mine is now and was then.

I think your experience is amazing. Good for you! You are doing such a great job, as well as your husband/bf/other (sorry I can't remember right now if you are married, engaged or other)/

However, I don't think that is the case in what is being said in this thread, particularly with Krystine, who is living with a man twice her age and he is living in his parent's home. That means he is not responsible for himself or his own bills, etc.
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Fri Mar 14, 2008 11:46 pm

Thank you JuryofOne. Most young persons do NOT have any experience with being adults, 18 or not. Most people at that age don't hold steady jobs, can not qualify for a mortgage and in a lot of cases are VERY immature.

In Krystine's case, an older man that still lives with his parents is an obvious sign of immaturity. Claiming his family is "close" as a reason is just that, an excuse for not having to care for himself in the real world.
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Sat Mar 15, 2008 9:33 am

I do not think that with someone living with their family makes them any less mature, he still works and pays bills and so on. I dont think it makes our relationship any different, thats just another excuse people make to rag on our relationship. He works, i am finishing school, he pays part of the bills as does our family, i worked before i met him as well. He has a daughter from a previous marriage [and has to pay child support, so theres another sign of maturity, having to make payments on time and isnt like most guys who split and dont pay a dime.] and we are now having our first child, he doesnt drink or do any drugs, i did a little bit of drugs before i met him and he got me out of them completely.
Clearly with another child coming in the picture, there is a sign of him and myself having to show a big change in maturity, and we are doing quite fine, we have a restaurant that we are waiting to be sold so we can get a place of our own, we're putting money aside for baby needs as well.
Yet the only reason that makes our reationship different is the fact that he lives with his family instead of on his own. Sorry but to me that just sounds like a lame excuse. And i've already listed other things he and i are doing, so its not like we're mootching off our family to pay for this or that.
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Sat Mar 15, 2008 12:51 pm

krystineM wrote:
I do not think that with someone living with their family makes them any less mature, he still works and pays bills and so on. I dont think it makes our relationship any different, thats just another excuse people make to rag on our relationship. He works, i am finishing school, he pays part of the bills as does our family, i worked before i met him as well. He has a daughter from a previous marriage [and has to pay child support, so theres another sign of maturity, having to make payments on time and isnt like most guys who split and dont pay a dime.] and we are now having our first child, he doesnt drink or do any drugs, i did a little bit of drugs before i met him and he got me out of them completely.
Clearly with another child coming in the picture, there is a sign of him and myself having to show a big change in maturity, and we are doing quite fine, we have a restaurant that we are waiting to be sold so we can get a place of our own, we're putting money aside for baby needs as well.
Yet the only reason that makes our reationship different is the fact that he lives with his family instead of on his own. Sorry but to me that just sounds like a lame excuse. And i've already listed other things he and i are doing, so its not like we're mootching off our family to pay for this or that.

According to you, I am entitled to my opinion and if you don't like it tough shit.
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Sat Mar 15, 2008 3:35 pm

Hey, not to rag on Krystine, but I saw a post her boyfriend made (sometimes it's fiance, sometimes it's boyfriend) and he didn't seem like a real upstanding, swell, mature, and responsible man to me. Suspect
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PostSubject: Re: Older Younger relationships   Sat Mar 15, 2008 4:32 pm

Krystine, how did you meet your bf?
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